Story by Nicole Mormann
“It’s not you; it’s me.” It’s a classic line everyone uses out of kindness, but one I use out of truth.
“I’m sorry, it’s me,” I’ll say to you after the fifth time you’ve called me over the course of a week to “chill” again.
It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s not that I didn’t like you. It’s that I’m an all or nothing kind of woman; and I’m sorry, but I don’t start an all relationship with a nothing hookup.
But that’s just me. It has nothing to do with you.
What we had was one night – one night of flirting, dancing, kissing, ignoring our friends, obsessing over each other, holding hands, then throwing our hands up in the air “like we just don’t care,” and throwing ourselves into the other’s arms.
It was a great time. Don’t get me wrong. I had fun, and I can obviously tell you did too. But that’s all it was – fun. And I’m sorry, but I’d rather not destroy the memory of our night with a follow-up date I’m less than interested on going on out of obligation.
Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way, but I think there’s a certain magic to original moments in time that we shouldn’t try to relive or recreate. The imitation of such leads to grand expectations, which likely lead to disappointment, and I’m not about to follow you down this potential path.
I’ve had relationships in the past that haven’t worked out in my favor and maybe I’m still jaded over them. Maybe I don’t want this to be the same. Maybe I feel as though this could have been something if we hadn’t had this one night.
After all, you were a nice guy; and I could use a nice guy like you in my life. I could have stood to go on a second date if I hadn’t had the image of us stumbling through a crowded bar in the back of my mind. And who knows, maybe we could have been something had we not started out as nothing.
Because for me, if it hadn’t been just a hook-up, I might have picked up the phone each time it rang. I wouldn’t feel this exhaustion like “God, he’s calling again.” But it was. And I was into it for one night, but I can’t continue this past that.
So I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s me. But thank you for giving me that one night. I really needed that time to be with someone like you, if only for a moment.
